I’m Back

Your eyes do not deceive you. I am indeed, back.  Back from where you ask?  Oh the darkest regions of your imagination cannot go where I have been… so let’s not discuss it.

Some things have changed.  For one, I’ve lost a considerable amount of fur and I’m a trifle sensitive about it, so resist the hairless cat and bald jokes, if you please.  I also have cataracts, which make it difficult to see when people are making rude gestures in my direction.  But my sense of smell is still quite keen and I assure you, I can smell derision.

Purple is still my best friend, sidekick and Majordomo. He has however, given up drinking for meditation. He keeps admonishing me to “return to the cushion”, but I have no earthly idea what he is babbling about.


The largest and most alarming change in our household is the discovery of my long lost relation “Cuz”.

He is the one wearing the sweater. Note his shocking Bay City Rollers hairdo. The animal we are checking for fleas and other foodstuffs is Mr. Burgundy. He provides take out.

Some things have not changed. Our method of conveyance is the same.


We still suffer the indignities of being used as hat wear.




(note I am in a dead faint)


The boy and his friends are still unmercifully cruel. I shall not subject you to photographic evidence of that particular horror. I do, however, have miles of video…

All in all, it is a pleasure to be here, to suffer the slings and arrows of your mockery and adulation. Your ridicule and devotion. Your contempt and applause.

But I digress. Did you bring bananas? Thank you.

12 Responses to “I’m Back”

  1. Brian says:

    That new Monkey looks kind of "special".  It's nice of you to take care of him.

    • Monkey says:

      If by "special" you mean distinguished, distinctive or important in his own way, then yes, Cuz is very special indeed.   I can't say we really take care of him, per se.   He lives with us, eats our food and wears my clothing… but er… he requires no care.   Ahem.

  2. Monica says:

    I am beyond thrilled to have found you again sweet monkey!

  3. Monkey says:

    Monica my dear!  I am pleased beyond expression to see you again!  

  4. Grandpoo says:

    I'm happy.  🙂

    • Monkey says:

      What the?  Are you trying to invoke my wrath?  Poke the fires of my ire??   This is an outrage!  
      (My own shirts will be available on Cafe Press within the hour.  But you can be certain I will charge more than 25 cents per spanking.) 

  5. Michelle says:

    Woot!!!!  Holey moley!  I can hardly believe my eyes!!!!  *dancedancedance*

  6. Jamwall and I have a new tenant who may be one of your cousins as well.  We will send pictures.  We found him lurking in a shop in Millerton NY.  Do you know of any cousins there?  Anyhow, he is very quiet and mostly sits at the pianokeys, tinkling.  Yes, tinkling.  In both senses of the word.
    On another note, I believe derision tastes (and smells)  like caraway.
    I am so glad you are back.  I love you, you know.  I believe I told you.

  7. Monkey says:

    Unfortunate taste.
    Cooks of the world regret this
    small seed of evil.
    Caraway seeds are loathsome!
    On the cousin issue… it is a mystery to me, but I appear to have cousins all over the place.  And many of them have the tinkling issue.  (I do too, but I refuse to discuss it.)  I would like to meet this cousin you speak of, particular if he has musical talent.  Purple and I are starting a band… Calzone is our manager… it is not going well. 
    And I love you too.  Which is why I am still distressed at your marriage to this "Jamwall" character.  Hmmmph. 

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