I’m Back

Your eyes do not deceive you. I am indeed, back.  Back from where you ask?  Oh the darkest regions of your imagination cannot go where I have been… so let’s not discuss it.

Some things have changed.  For one, I’ve lost a considerable amount of fur and I’m a trifle sensitive about it, so resist the hairless cat and bald jokes, if you please.  I also have cataracts, which make it difficult to see when people are making rude gestures in my direction.  But my sense of smell is still quite keen and I assure you, I can smell derision.

Purple is still my best friend, sidekick and Majordomo. He has however, given up drinking for meditation. He keeps admonishing me to “return to the cushion”, but I have no earthly idea what he is babbling about.


The largest and most alarming change in our household is the discovery of my long lost relation “Cuz”.

He is the one wearing the sweater. Note his shocking Bay City Rollers hairdo. The animal we are checking for fleas and other foodstuffs is Mr. Burgundy. He provides take out.

Some things have not changed. Our method of conveyance is the same.


We still suffer the indignities of being used as hat wear.




(note I am in a dead faint)


The boy and his friends are still unmercifully cruel. I shall not subject you to photographic evidence of that particular horror. I do, however, have miles of video…

All in all, it is a pleasure to be here, to suffer the slings and arrows of your mockery and adulation. Your ridicule and devotion. Your contempt and applause.

But I digress. Did you bring bananas? Thank you.

Do Purple and I Fight?

People ask me, they say, "Monkey, you and Purple spend so much time together. Do you ever fight?" Indeed, we do fight. While on our vacation a fight started over maple syrup… in a fashion.

It started at breakfast. Purple was allowed to sit on the breakfast table, among the muffins, bananas and coffee. I was held in the sticky fingers of the boy, until I was literally painted with maple syrup. The reason given for my being concealed on a lap, while Purple enjoyed a view and a prime seat was this: "Purple is dressed. You're naked."




Upon returning to the room, there were nefarious plans afoot. I was to take a bath with maple syrup boy. I leapt out the window onto some shrubbery, but not before sharing harsh words with Purple.



Purple took to drink.





Please send clothes. I'm a size preemie.




Thank you.